It could happen to you one day. lol

[Queen]

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello". "Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking." "Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward. "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.

[Queen]

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.

One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket."

[Queen]

Two old-timers, Dawson and Sam, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Dawson didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Dawson hadn't shown up for a week or so. Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Dawson lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had past and Sam figured he had seen the last of Dawson but one day Sam approached the park and lo and behold there sat Dawson! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so! Then he said, "For crying out loud Dawson, what in the world happened to you?"

Dawson replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Sam!! "What in the world for?"

"Well," Dawson said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?"

"Yeah" said Sam, I remember her. What about her?"

"Well one day she charged me with rape and I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled "guilty."

The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

[Queen]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

[Queen]

Saved the best one for last:

Grandma Doesn't Know Everything........

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!"

[Kevin]

Damn,

When i saw this thread title I was hoping for a Queen SHART story!

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by Queen

Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.

One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket."

CLASSIC!

[Queen]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Damn,

When i saw this thread title I was hoping for a Queen SHART story!

Nothing exciting happened this week Kevin. LOL

Well I lied.

John turned 6 years old on Tuesday. We went to the Bee Movie and the girl behind the counter told me my grandson was cutie.

Wed would have been married 15 years but got divorced 2 years ago.

So nothing really happened this week.

Well and I may have to take some money out of the bank and go to Fla for New Years. Im going to Disney World and Orange bowl. Only if WVU wins out and goes.

[Queen]

Anybody know what end is home and what end is away?

Im trying to buy tickets to the game and need to know what end WVU will be on if we go to the Orange Bowl?

It's supose to be WVU and V Tech.

Should WVU not be home team?

Since they will be ranked higher?

No need to buy them from WVU the fricken boosters will buy all the tickets up.