You Just Might Be a Catholic

[yomonte]

If Your Mom Has An Autographed Picture Of Jesus With A Certificate Of Authenticity In The Den

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If The First Time You Ever Got Drunk And You Were 14 And You Drank Jack Daniels With A Splash Of Holy Water

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If Both Your Parents Agreed That Your Confimation Name Should Be Judas

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Went To Confession For The First Time At Age 6 And Made Up Lies Just So Your Penacne Would Be Two Hail Mary's, Three Our Fathers And Four Glory Glories

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If Your A Girl And Had Sex With More Than Twenty Guys By Age 14

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If Your Parents Gave You A Quarter For When They Passed The Basket And Baby Ruths Were Only 5 Cents And Were As Big As A Pecan Nut Log At Stuckys And Every Monday You Had Five Of Them Cause You Never Put The Quarter In

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If The Only Reason You Believe In Jesus Cause You Saw Him July 4th 1969 Whe You Did Those Three Hits Of Purple Microdot

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If Jesus Looked Just Like The Over One Hundred Pictures Your Mom Had In Her House

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Have More Pictures Of Jesus In You House Than Your Children

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Pray More Than The Pope

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Ever Went To A Baptist Church On A Boyscout Outing And Didn't Have To Kneel Sit Stand, Kneel Sit Stand And Thought, Why Couldn't I Be A Baptist

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Had To Shine Your Shoes Every Sunday Without Fail To Go To Church And Got Home And Went To Play Football And Didn't Change Into Your Converse Tennis Shoes Cause You Had The Best Looking Shoes On The Field

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Did Three Hits Of Purple Microdot And Still Hoping To See God When You Have Flashbacks

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Ever Went To Parochial School And The Nun That Was Teaching Second Grade Could Hit You With A Ruler And Give You Two Black Eyes, Bust Your Nose And Give You A Fat Lip In One Swing

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Go To Church More Than 7 Times A Week

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Say God And/or Jesus Atleast 20 Times A Day And Say God Dammit 40 Times A Day

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Ever Got Expelled From The Third Grade For Saying God Dammit And Your Parents Asked You Where Did You Learn That And You Said "from You" And They Beat You Even Harder

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Go Into A Liquor Store And See Your Buddies And Act Like You Don't Know Them

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Say The Rosary More Than Once A Decade

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If You Even Own A Rosary

You Just Might Be A Catholic

If Your Parents Drag You To Church At 11:00 At Night On Christmans Eve

You Just Might Be A Catholic

[yomonte]

Please don't be offended by this. It was geared to make you smile. I'm Catholic and these are my real life experiences. I mean c'mon, how can you make this stuff up LOL. What do you do when your bored. Me, my mind ain't right LOL

[joepa66]

My apologies in advance......


There's a conference being held for priests by the local bishop. During a presentation a priest gets up and excuses himself to the restroom where he finds another priest using a urinal. He sidles up next to the priests and greets him by saying, "Hello father, how are you today".

"Fine says the second priest, and you?"

The first priest nods in the direction of his fellow liturgian and says, "Sorry father, I didn't mean to look but I caught a glimpse of your penis....and forgive me for asking, but, is that a nicotine patch on your penis?"

"Why yes it is," answered the second priest.

"Well father, forgive me once again," says the first, "but isn't that supposed to be worn on your back?"

"What, you don't think it'll work?", asks the second.

"Well, quite frankly no I don't!", answers the first.

To that, the second priest replies boldly, "Well I beg to differ with you father, because I am down to two butts a day!"

[birdsfan5]

LMAO