Houston Texans (2-0 SU, 0-2 ATS) vs. Home Team (1-1 SU, 1-1 ATS)
NFL Week 3
Date and Time: Sunday September 22, 2013 1pm EST
Where: M&T Bank Stadium Baltimore, Maryland
by Tim, Football Handicapper, Predictem.com
Point Spread: Hou. -2.5/Bal. +2.5
Over/Under Total: 45
Baltimore and Houston tangle on the field renamed in honor of over-inflated interest rates; M&T Bank Stadium. Crab cakes will be flying along with chicken wings as the 2-0 Texans try and dismantle the Paper Champions of 2013 and jump to the plateau of NFL superiority. This game will echo the famous words of former NFL great turned lawn bowling aficionado Ray Lewis, It is what it is. No more empty words can be said describing the importance of this matchup and Ed Reed is still the greatest Safety the NFL has ever seen. Lets take a look at the Baltimore Ball-So-Hard-University Ravens (last year!!!) and the Houston Oilers Texans (Titans!)! Hells fire Granny. We just gotta git us some cable TV for this one!!
Baltimore comes into this game with modesty and charm. The Ravens lost most of their team after the Super Bowl last year when Ed Reed split for Houston and fracking, Ray Lewis retired to Comment-tertaing, and Anquan Boldin slipped through the continental divide for San Fran neighbors, diversity, and people-made beauty. Boldins particular loss to the Ravens means that Flacco must now throw on-target passes to his receivers instead ofummm, flipping the ball in the air like an NBA Ref! Freakin Ray Lewis cut the heart, fibula, tibia, ACL, MCL, F-16 and every other body part from the Ravens when he retired. Reed leaving means the Ravens Defensive Coaches will actually have to make the right defensive calls since Reed was known to over rule some questionable defensive scheming while playing UFO in passing lanes which he knew would be thrown into. Ray Rice is still with the Ravens. Dont get too giddy; Rice is not Jamal Lewis although a sleeping Flacco is better than Trent Dilfer. Most Insiders will say the Ravens are getting it done with defense. Uhhh, No! They are not. They got throttled in Week #1 by Manning and couldnt keep NAIA competitor the Cleveland Browns off the scoreboard. The Browns had the stinkin lead at halftime 6-0!! The Ravens rank 26th in the NFL against the pass and—Guess What—the NFL IS a passing league!
The Texans roll in with the tide carrying an undefeated record after cashing an opening week lottery ticket against the Chargers. Phil Rivers did his customary lay-down in the 4th quarter and the Texans obliged him by painting BBQ sauce all over his non-impressive skin. QB Schaub has truly been unremarkably remarkable with the Texans and Andre Johnson is truly a Beast! Rookie WR DeAndre Hopkins has stepped in to offset double teams on Johnson and that has opened the top end and middle for everyone to eat some Apple Pie! The Texans win with defense though and returning starter Brian Cushing has added a HUGE presence in the middle for the Texans defense. On the defensive line, self-absorbed kook J.J. Watt has been irreplaceable (again!!) while Whitney Mercilus and Earl Mitchell have terrorized the first 2 Texans opponents. I never talk about Puntersunless it is Ray Guyor Shane Lechler, and Lechler has given the Texans a massive field advantage boost with his leg. The Texans are for realand have been since Arian Foster came to town. Now the Texans are ready to step up and be a regular dinner party guest at the Super Bowl buffet. The Texans can really Ball and all the pieces are in place for them to move to the top of the NFL for, at least, the next 5 years!
There are an enormous amounts of NFL games that come down to the wire. There is also a huge advantage in the NFL playing at home. Push all of those things away this weekend. The Going-In/Coming-Out party is going to take place in Baltimore this weekend. No home-field advantage can stop the inevitability of a loss to a well-coached, finely-tuned, and hugely-talented Houston team. Its almost like trying to stop Jonathon E. in Rollerball! Keep the crab dip rollin and turn out the lights. The Texas size beating is coming to Baltimoreand Baltimore better get used to it; the Ravens arent finished getting smoked this year!
Tims Pick to Cover the Point Spread: Houston Texans -2.5 (and SU)