UFC 171 Picks – Hendricks vs. Lawler – Condit vs. Woodley

UFC171 Picks
When:Saturday March 15, 2014 9:00pm EST
Where:American Airlines Arena, Dallas TX
TV:Main Event PPV, Undercard FOX S1
by Tim of Predictem.com

Fight Analysis:Sometimes, watching the brides maids flirting might be more enjoyable than witnessing the main event; the wedding! UFC 171 surely hopes you agree. Johny Hendricks–fresh off losing to GSP and still parroting WADA/VADA/BOTTA BOOM drug testing standardswill become engaged to Thought He was Cooked/No Hes Not Robbie Rebound Man Lawler in a promising action packed battle of also-rans. Lawler was a surprise challenger for this fight as rumors swirling around UFC Headquarters, located near the deserted Mount Doom in the land of Mordor (Lord of the Rings stuff), suggest UFCs First ChoiceHootie and the Blowfish—were playing a Bat Mitzvah near Connectizoid, New Hampshire and second choice Margaret Brick House Thatcher (London, UK) has not been heard from and is considered deceased. HA! What is even more astounding than Lawler appearing to be a shoe-in twin brother of B.J. Penn, is Lawlers recent record over the last 11 fights; Lawler is 6-5. Uhhhum, Pardon me, UFC! Are we now going to start the Anderson Silva Bum of the Month Cake Walk for Hendricks? Holy crap, Hendricks is probably the last fighter UFC should be using as a Poster Child for this division! Anyway, Patriots QB Tom BradyI mean, Georges St. Pierrehas taken his ball and gone home leaving these two guys to figure it out. This UFC 171 Fight Card also has some other guys fighting, not named Mel, and two women fightingWhy? I have NO idea!so it is time to Bring on the chicken wings, widescreen, and Ring Girls! WOOHOO! Truly, Carlos Condit vs Tyron Woodley should be interesting—seeing if becomes a real fight—and the winner looks to be set for the winner of the Hendricks vs Lawler pillow fight. Shoot, Jake Shields vs Lombard might be a decent fightif Shields didnt Pop Off about having one more fight left in him: Dude! This isnt jump in the back of a Chrysler convertible and wave one last time to your fans shut your chili chomper and just get busy! Damn! Also, keep an eye on Undercard phenom Kelvin Gastelum. If Kelvin can get just a little more experience and a tad more confidence, Gastelum is buying a home in the Main Card neighborhood very soon! I hope the realtor tells Kelvin to stay away from TRT Lake; both natural and artificial. Townsfolk will tell anyone the reason why; The Sonnen (Chaen) sets forever on the banned side. Okay, lets look at the matchups. P.S. >>> No Heavyweights on this Card.

St. Pierre is just tired of everything having to do with WADA, VADA, NAFTA, Free Quebec, PETA, or any other thing that makes a Diva dauntless. St. Pierre didnt get his wayand now hes Finito which is UFC talk for: Ill fight later. Whos St. Pierre kidding? Heres the way I see this testosterone/VADA/WADA/ and St. Pierres vacation away from the sport may be a wrong move for a fighter, but it might be the right move for a Co-Owner/True Champion of a competing organization to the UFC. Georges St. Pierre is a sharp guy. GSP is smart, he drips with charisma, and he is also very much a business man. I believe St. Pierre might be in a position to maneuver his ever-increasing bevy of French-Canadian Fighters into a possible Competing Organization. French-Canadians are heavily loyal to their own, and if St. Pierre can team-up (or has already teamed-up) with Quebec businessmen and secure a TV deal, we might have an alternative to UFC fights! Face it; UFC President Dana White reminds a lot of people of a Time-Share Closer. Men such as White usually rule by outsmarting the idiots they hire under them. Whites flipping like a pancake from hammering St. Pierre immediately after St. Pierre got the Decision of Hendricks saying, I think Hendricks won the fight and then calling St. Pierres decision Kooky and Wacky to step away from the sport because the UFC didnt use VADA is either the stupidest mistake White has ever made in UFC, or the beginning of the end that White saw long before St. Pierre said Im retiring for some time from the sport. But the INCREDIBLE turn of events in February 2014 when the UFC banned Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT) for their fighters virtually kneeling with frankincense and myrrh before Champion Superieur Georges St. Pierre and back-stepping over their own stance on steroids (Yes, TRT is a steroid) making the UFC, WADA, and the Nevada Athletic Commission all look like a collection of fools and St. Pierre appear to be the truth-voice pleading from the desert! Something is upand it certainly wont be UFC PayPer revenues with The Mighty Truck, 18 Wheeler or whatever Johny One N Hendricks calls himself (I know its Big Riggjust like I know Randy Travis made records; I just detest admitting to something as goofy as both examples!) these days as the face of this division and top draw. It doesnt really matter thoughthe stinkin Ring Girls are crawling all over Playboy Magazines like teenagers at band camp >>> and makin big chedda doing it! Now to the matchups!

Johny One N Hendricks(15-2-0)(-400) vs.Robbie Lawler(22-9-0; 1 NC)(+325)
Dont let Lawlers record fool you! Then againLawlers record is probably as it should be. Lawler is 6-5 in his last 11 and deserves a shot at the St. Pierre vacated Welterweight title about as much as Food Channel Chef Bobby Flay. Lawler is an English born actor who ran with the Rat Pack (Sinatra, Dean Martin, Joey Bishop [why? Not funny!] and Sammy Davis Jr.) and starred in the movie Pepewait! Sorry, thats Peter Lawfordnot Lawler; my bad. Lets see; Lawler punches, kicks, and throws knees and his Comeback started with his change from Strikeforce to the UFC. Immediately, Lawler picked up his UFC winning ways by taking out Josh Everyones Punching Bag Koscheck in UFC 157. Then, Lawler beat two other guysblah, blah, blahand is going to lose to Johny Haulin Hogs Hendricks pretty bad in UFC 171. Hendricks reminds of a guy in high school that no one could ever completely beat up. This kid would get pounded like flank steak and keep coming back over, and over, and over again. We nicknamed this guy Turd out of respect for his tenacity and unsettling physical attributes (HA!). Turd might not have been the best fighter, but Turd was tough as sh**!


My Pick to Win:Johny Put the Hammer Down On Double Nickle Hendricks -400. This fight will be a lesson in reassembling several of Lawlers body parts according to the Emergency Room Reattachment Manual! If youre looking to HeeHaw someone getting their face kicked inthen this fight will certainly fulfill your undesirable desirables! No Chance for Robbie I Shoulda Retired Lawler.

Carlos (I Refuse To Say It) Condit(29-7-0)(-175) vs.Tyron Big Dream Woodley(12-2)(+155)
Frankly, this should be a very interesting fightif it lasts beyond the first minute! Im not saying Condit is a massively quick starterIm saying Woodley will know IMMEDIATELY whether hes grabbed more firewood than the chimney can burn. Woodley was not named to fight Condit immediately and is reported to have texted UFC Dana DeeDub White about 15 times per day to beg for this fight! Wellwe shall see if Tyron knows hes ready or if White knows talent and matchups to a greater degree! My intuition and experience tells me Dana White will lose to Tyrons heart and determination. One thing a man can never measure is the fight in the dog. Conditon paperlooks PRETTY damn good in this clash! For the money, a gamble on Tyron makes sense as a bargain. Why? NO ONENot Vegas Bookies, Dana White, Bill Belichick, the Dalai Lama, Albert Einstein, or the great escape artist Shandar can ever put an accurate measure deciding who among us clutches the most will-to-win elixir! I believe if the moment (Bigtime PPV) doesnt confuse, shock, or paralyze Woodley then Woodley will defeat Condit and knock him out. Keep this as a nugget from me if you think Woodley has a real chance beating Condit: If Woodley does enter the Octagon Paralytic appearing to be unaggressive at first, pray that Condit tags Woodley to wake Tyron up! If Woodley survives the first minute or so and does get tagged by Condit, Woodley will beat the living crap out of Condit and Condits UFC career. Woodley could end up fighting Lawler and the winner facing off against GSP if GSP cant find the banking to fund an alternative MMA Combat Sports Organization!

My Pick to Win:Tyron Woodley +155. Look for Woodley to force the action forward and continually. Woodley, by his actions and intents, has convinced me He wants to be a Somebody; Right Now!! Im going with the balla in this matchup. Confidence, aggressiveness, and intensity will gain Woodley the winning margin!

Raquel Pennington(4-4-0)(+240) vs.Jessica Andrade(10-3-0)(-300)
My Pick to Win:I dont knowI guess nobody wins when 2 potential mothers step into the ring?! My Lord! Could ya cut it out with the sideshow already; UFC?! This is like watching Lockup on MSNBC during sweeps week. Who the crap enjoys watching two women go at it? Have we lost every ounce of dignity in ourselves? The questions are many and the answers are very, very, very few.

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