Tournament: Shell Houston Open
Date: April 3-April 6, 2014
Course: Golf Club of Houston (aka Redstone), Humble TX
TV: Golf Channel Thurs-Sun, NBC Saturday and Sunday
by Tim, PGA Golf Handicapper, Predictem.com
Well, well, well, wellheadliner stealer Tiger Woods is OUT for all four Majors in 2014 after going thru a pinched nerve surgery recently. Details are Classified but a source inside the hospitalspeaking with anonymity—supposedly reported local anesthesia was not givenbut an cocktail of Vicotin and Ambien was sitting closely to the bedside (satire!). Woods, while recovering, has also reportedly been craving steak and eggs surrounding a swedish meatball??! Alrightenough of the junk; I mean satire! Steven Bowditch fired a final round 76 to seize position number 1 at the Texas Open last week. The Valero Texas Open should be a future suitor for big-time sponsor Waste Management because THAT final round last Sunday absolutely stunk the joint up!! Kevin Nah Baby Nah Na was one of five Top Ten Finishers to shoot an over par final round. Na I can understandhes a basket casebut Kuchar, Pat Perez and the eventual champion (Bowditch) firing plus 74 final rounds? The entire field was on the clock as players affected by winds hopped from club-to-club more often Sunday than Strip-Dancing fans at the NBA All-Star Game! Kuchar was All Beat Up and confused ala Miley Cyrus watching an episode of The Beverly HillbiliesHey Achy Breaky Daddy? Whats so funny bout Jethro? I dont get it???! Anyway, weve moved on from San Antonio (as any common sense inhabitant should do!) and
Baseball season opened and the Reds are going to the World Seriesnuff said! Mickelson pulled out of last weeks Valero faster than a 21 year-old college dude with a large Trust Account! Mickelson actuallyphysicallylooked like he has been on a Home Town Buffet bender for the last few months. I swore I saw soy sauce and MSG leaking from Mickelsons eyes in round one? Anyway, pulling out of tournaments when one is hacking up the joint seems to be All the Rage with the PGA Tour Boyz lately. My Lord, the Pros are moving on and off stage faster than chorus girls at Carnegie Hall on Opening Night. Spieth managed to NOT cave in after firing a first nine 42 just like my buddy Lumpy Lumpkin at the Par 3 Course around town! This is WHY I LOVE SPIETH! Rather than cash in his chips and head for the couch, Spieth comes right back and finishes 10th showing he can and will be a Grinder if he must! You CANNOT ever rule out a player on Tour willing to muscle up in such a circumstance. Kuchar battled too! Shoot, Zach Johnson two-putted virtually every green and finished 6th! I thought Brenden Grace might show us something at Valero but Grace makes the cut, then gets the MDF (Made Cut, Did Not Finish) after firing an EIGHTY FRIGGIN TWO in the third round! The 14,979 ranked Player in the WorldRobert Allenby—Missed the Cut AGAINbut got a really good deal on a set of tires at a local San Antonio Used Tires storeit wasnt a complete waste! One more week before THE MASTERS BABY!! This Shell Houston Open is the last chance for the Also Ran-s to play their way in with a win. Lets pick em out—-the players who might be found towards the top of the Houston Open leader board!!
Monty Python made Spam a celebrity food. In golf, its Spieth. Spieth and Spieth. SpiethSpieth and Spiethand SpiethSpieth! Spieth is my pick right hereright nowand Masters timeand US Open time. Hes the best player on Tour! The Golf Club of Houston is a Rees Jones destructionI mean Design. To encourage players headed for the Masters to play in this tournament, PGA Officials stimp these greens at right around 13 or 14 so they can get the feel of the Masters greens. It doesnt work; there is SOOOO much more to the greens at Augusta (little nuancessubtle breaks that seem to move against the laws of Physics) and Rees friggin Jones is toying with putting a dress on a pigThis isnt even close to Augusta Big Boy! I like DeLaet here; he finished 3rd in 2010 here! Henrik Stenson is tuning things for a run at the Green Jacket this year. Last year, Stenson tied for 2nd place last year at the Houston Open and he will grind it out just like Speith. Dustin Johnson is simply too in love with himself to do anything other than make me nauseous! Too Goofy and too far gone into himself to have the presence of mind to make the Big Shot when it needs to be hit. Rory McIlroy? HAHAHAHAHA! NOPE! Will Sergio Garcia contend at Houston? Maybebut only if the tournament is in a 29-hole format! Hunter Mahan looks really good and Kuchar? Kuchar is a fabulous player and is peaking at the proper moment; right now!
Short Favorite: Jordan Spieth (22 Odds to 1 to Win)
Spieth is the best player on Tour. He should be at least a Top 5.
Middle of the Road: Hunter Mahan (28 Odds to 1 to Win)
Mahan is ICE during the final round. If Mahan is closehe will close!
Longshot: Chris Kirk (50 Odds to 1 to Win)
Theres a point in every Pro Golfers life where he must reach down and find out if he is a Journeyman, or if he is a Champion. The time has come for Chris Kirk. Kirk is incredibly talented and must make the leap to stardomor fall along the gravel road like Allenby, Austin, or Davis Love III.
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Head to Head Matches *Picks to win based on final score after all four rounds. Check out your favorite online betting site for single round matches and a variety of prop bets.
Rory McIlroy vs. Henrik Stenson (our pick to win: Henrik Stenson)
This is the PGA Tours version of Napoleon versus Holy Roman Emperor Frances II at Austerlitz. Frances II is McIlroy completely sponsored by the biggest spenders of that period. Napoleon comes in as the author of Give em a whiff of Grapeshot during the French Revolution. McIlroy is overhyped and outmatchedNapoleon versus Frances II??? Are you kiddingthe Emeror has found out he has not new clothes—hes naked!
Phil Mickelson vs. Sergio Garcia (our pick to win: Sergio Garcia)
Mickelson is not 100%…aside from his appetite!!!! Holy Lord! Push the plate away Phil. Mickelson has aged about 20 years in the last 6 months. Hes like a Vegas dive-bar act that suddenly has become pathetic. Garcia can beat this dude pretty easilyIm thing? Mickelson might not make it to hole 15!!! Mickelson has lost it.