Tournament: Arnold Palmer Invitational
Date: Thursday-Sunday March 20-23, 2014
Course: Bay Hill Club & Lodge, Orlando FL.
TV: Golf Channel Thurs.-Sun., NBC Sat.-Sun.
by Tim, PGA Golf Handicapper, Predictem.com
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About this time of yeareach year—a temperate breeze blows the scent of azaleas into every golfers ear whispering The Masters is coming This week, Arnold Palmer will host Shank you very much Henrik Stenson, Chunky Monkey Justin Rose, and waiting for a lunar eclipse Kevin Na to Bay Hill Golf Club & Lodge for the 2014 Arnold Palmer Invitational (blah, blah, blah) MasterCard golf tourney. In case you werent watching Valspar last week, Henrik Stenson hit, perhaps, THEE worst shot ever witnessed on the PGA Tour shanking a wedge from right at 100 yards about 9 fairways due east. Not to be outdone, Justin Rose—the number 7 ranked Player in the World—competed for Stensons infamous title with glorious ineptitude chili-dippin a wedge from the middle of the fairway 30 feet leaving Rose (evidently; an 18 handicapper) only 50 more yards to endure before the inevitable bogey. Naas in Nah, I cant hit it yet was yipping, yappin, time to take a nappin his way towards a slow penalty warning he collects like a Section 8er gathering Food Stamps.
Reteif Goosen tied Senden for low round of the tournament at Valspar carding an unbelievable 3rd round 64 and promptly double-bagged that gem with an OopsIm not that good anymore final round 79. Yes-sir-ree Bobby Flay, well ALL be looking forward to Arnold waddling down Bay Hills Number 18 green carrying a Dungeons and Dragons 6 foot dragon slayer (Bay Hill stopped awarding a sword to the winner [Tiger] when Orlandos Town Imbecile [no, not Greg Norman] explained to Palmer the word gaudy does not mean god-likegaudy means tasteless!!). Yes indeed, all the Kings horses, men, and gravy-train magnate MasterCard will most certainly be hoping weve all forgotten what a creep Tiger is and once again root on Mr. Woods at the feet of his Nike-embossed throne. As for Tiger? Tiger is busy sifting through his skeletonsin case he begins to chop things upfor a dry-cleaned excuse;Should I go Old School (back, knee, wrist-twist from high rough etc.) or should I let my creative side take over (where that train stopsno one knows?)?! The man from Latrobe has center stage this week! The King is goofy! Long live the King!
Lets seeTiger has won this tournament about 48,019 times? Oh! Tim Herron won in 1999 and the Comeback Kid Paul Goydos won in 1996…and because won in 1996, Goydos will have the opportunity to miss the cut as a Former Champion. Hmmm, Tiger owns this course. Heres the deal: Tiger is an unconscious pick-a-roosky at Bay Hill. Consciously, in 2014, Tiger shot a final round 79 at the Farmers to finish in the coal hole, withdrew in the final round of the Honda (after being 5 over at the turn!), fired an embarrassing final round 78 at the Trump thingy, skipped a tournament, and enters Palmers baby as polished as the silverware on Duck Dynasty! Senden is pretty hotsy-totsy after winning last week but but hes no perennial; always on-top like a Kentucky comb-over at a Hatfield wedding reception. Sendens more like a basket of groceries you havetoo many items for the less than 15 self check-out and not enough items worth waiting for in the Big Boy line (Senden hangs around the 16-55 neighborhood). There are a few name-poppers at this Bay Hill get-together such as; Garrigus, Woodland, Graham Grizzly DeLaet, and my main man Jordan Spieth. As for the othersJas Day has gone away, Kevin Na takes all day, and Woody Austin >>> aint no way! Shoot, Robert Gamez is playing in this tournament! All we need is for Ian Baker Finch to load up his yips and THAT, my friend, would be a twosome worth following. WooHoo! Lets pick a top ten-er and/or a winner!
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Zippy the office creep says Tigers a lock! Fred the disgruntled Starter at the local muni believes Sam Snead would beat every stinkin player in the fieldin his prime. Ned the Carpenter and part-time lotto freak thinks Duke and Louisville will battle it out for the National Championship. I believe 3-time winner and current yesterdays news Patrick Reed has been guzzling down his own headlines (and a few pizzas!) and looks more like a final table Poker Prophet than a Class Act winner on the PGA Tour. Reed wont win because he seems a little full of himselfmore so than most PGA Tour Players who are over-the-top full of themselves! Some advice for Reed: Cut it out with the gold bracelet and hip huggin Cable Installer pants! Reed is one pinky ring away from looking like a 45 year-old man going through Manapause! Holy Lord! Buy a Harley dude and youre my thrice divorced Uncle Larry (nicknamedPudge) cruising the Sack O Suds looking for quiff! Reed is pretty much donehes now quoting his tourney record at Augusta State illustrating his dominance. Reed needs to get a Handler to boot the ignant out of him. Cut it out; already! I have a surprise pick for ya. The Goose! The Goose! The Goose is on fire! We dont need no water let the HA! Bustin loose with the Bloodhound Gang and Ratief Goosen found something with his 64 last week. Watch Out! OH! Lee Janzen is in this tourney! Look for Janzen to miss the cut like the Old Days this Friday; wipe a tear while reminiscing! I think Stallings and English will have a good tournament. But Im tellin yathe Goose is getting ready to cut loose!
Short Favorite: Henrik Stenson (25 Odds to 1 to Win)
Stenson is such a great player. He shows up every week and competes until the last putt is holed. I love players like that!.
Middle of the Road: Gary Woodland (40 Odds to 1 to Win)
Woodland is long, long, long, and then longer than that! Woodland has played well and is putting well. Woodland is poised for a great tournament.
Longshot: Ratief Goosen (150 Odds to 1 to Win)
When Goosens game was climbing to the top of Mount Titleist (1958-1959 HA!), Ratief was a Top 5 Player every week. Yes, Goosen is older but he is also incredibly long and if he finds the putting stroke—like he did last week firing a 64—he can engineer magic!
Head to Head Matches *Picks to win based on final score after all four rounds. Check out your favorite online betting site for single round matches and a variety of prop bets.
Gary Woodland vs. Kevin Na (our pick to win: Gary Woodland)
Kevin Na is slower than a Junior High Girls Volleyball banquet! If Woodland can Turn to the left (Raising Arizona crackback) and perhaps doodle while Na fake-hits his wide assortment of shots, I see Woodland cleaning up in this matchup. Kevin Na is already paranoid about how his inexcusable Jitterations are perceived by the Tour and public. Add in last weeks Youre on the clock directive by Tour officials and Im not sure if Na will be able to pull the trigger on Number 1 Tee-box! Gary Woodland wins in a psychiatrists Case Study examination.
Ian Poulter vs. Brandt Snedeker (our pick to win: Brandt Snedeker)
Poulter is not good any longer. Poulter needs to step away from the game and maybe turn to Interior Design or draping curtains over the Grand Canyon like the Mighty Christo and Jean-Claude?! The fact is; Poulter is starting to play over par and is getting close to embarrassing himself. Snedeker can still play. Snedeker wins (and I dont really like Snedeker!)